There’s a form of grief that many people don’t talk about – the kind where someone is still alive, but emotionally, it feels like they’re gone. Whether it’s the end of a marriage, the departure of grown children, or the emotional distancing of a once-close family, this kind of grief can be just as deep and painful as losing someone to death.

Grieving for the living might sound strange at first, but if you’ve ever gone through a divorce or felt the sting of your kids choosing to cut ties, you know it’s an experience that can make you feel heartbroken, alone, and confused. How do you grieve someone who is still breathing? How do you cope with the loss of something that feels just as permanent as death, yet is a painful reminder that they are still out there, somewhere?

As a life coach who has worked with people through these very types of situations, I can tell you—there’s light at the end of this tunnel, and while the road may seem long, you’re not alone. Let’s dive into this together, and maybe we’ll even find a bit of humor and healing along the way.

The Hidden Grief of Divorce

When people talk about grief, they usually think of the death of a loved one. But grieving a divorce can be just as intense, even if the other person is still alive and kicking.

Divorce brings with it a whole range of emotions that most people don’t expect: sadness, anger, loneliness, guilt, and even relief. But there’s also a quieter, often unspoken grief—like mourning a future you thought you’d have, the life you imagined that’s now gone. The house you once shared, the holidays you spent together, or even just the dream of “happily ever after” you once had are all suddenly out of reach. And let’s be honest—divorce doesn’t just affect the couple involved; it often impacts the entire extended family.

The first thing I want you to remember, if you’re grieving after a divorce, is this: it’s okay to mourn. The end of a relationship—even a bad one—is still the end of something important. It’s perfectly normal to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry with yourself or your ex. But here’s the thing: just because someone is still alive doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t over. It’s okay to let yourself feel that loss. It doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re human.

The tough part? It’s learning to let go and embrace the future. This means rediscovering who you are without your ex. It means recognizing that you are worthy of happiness, even when your old life is in the rearview mirror. While grief is a necessary part of healing, so is the act of rebuilding.

How to Cope with Grief After Divorce:

1. Acknowledge the Loss: The first step is admitting to yourself that you’ve lost something important. You’ve lost the life you had, and that’s a big deal. Give yourself permission to grieve.
2. Reinvent Your Identity: After a divorce, it’s easy to feel like you’ve lost yourself. You were a partner, a spouse, or a parent in a certain context. Now you need to rediscover who you are outside of that. What are your passions? What makes you feel alive? Reconnect with yourself, and you’ll slowly find your way back to happiness.
3. Get Support: It’s impossible to go through something as painful as a divorce alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help or lean on close friends or family members. You can’t heal in isolation.
4. Find New Routines: One of the hardest parts about divorce is dealing with the absence of someone who was once so central to your life. The daily routines, the small gestures, all gone. Creating new routines can help you adjust to life after divorce and bring some normalcy back.

When Children Move On—and Choose to Leave You Behind

Now, let’s talk about another type of grief that can feel just as complicated: when your children—your flesh and blood—decide to distance themselves or, worse, cut ties altogether. It’s a particularly painful experience, especially for parents who have spent years raising, loving, and sacrificing for their kids. But what happens when those children, now grown, decide that they no longer want to communicate or be a part of your life?

It’s a harsh reality for many parents. Maybe your child moved away for university or a job and slowly drifted apart, or maybe they made a conscious decision to no longer keep in touch. Either way, it feels like a loss—one that can stir up a deep sadness and a sense of rejection. But here’s the hard truth: they are still alive, and it still hurts like hell.

Here’s the thing: grieving the emotional absence of a living child is a unique and misunderstood kind of grief. It’s not about wishing they were dead—obviously, it’s not that extreme. But when your child, someone you nurtured from birth to adulthood, chooses to disengage from you, it leaves a hole in your heart.

This kind of grief is tough because it doesn’t fit the typical idea of mourning. No one really talks about grieving your children while they’re still out there living their lives, but trust me, it’s a very real thing.

How to Cope with Grief When Your Children Move On:

1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Just because your child is still alive doesn’t mean their emotional absence doesn’t hurt. Let yourself feel it. You’re allowed to mourn this change in your relationship. This doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a human one.
2. Let Go of Guilt: Parents often feel responsible when their kids pull away, blaming themselves for the disconnect. The truth is, children grow up, they develop their own lives, and sometimes they need space to figure things out. Don’t take it personally. You did your best, and now it’s their journey to navigate.
3. Foster Healthy Communication: If you feel the relationship is salvageable, try reaching out without expectations. Instead of demanding answers, offer understanding. Sometimes a simple “I miss you” or “I’m here when you’re ready to talk” can be the first step toward healing.
4. Focus on Other Relationships: If your children are no longer emotionally available, find other ways to nurture connections. Friendships, family bonds, and even relationships with pets can provide comfort and support. You’re not limited to one type of love.
5. Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can help you unpack the feelings of rejection and grief that come with this kind of loss. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help—your emotional well-being is important.

Hope and Healing: Turning Grief Into StrengthHope and Healing: Turning Grief Into Strength

Both divorce and the emotional distancing of children are forms of loss that may take time to heal from. But here’s the uplifting part: you can heal. With time, support, and a little bit of cheeky determination, you’ll move through the grief and come out stronger on the other side.

The pain may always be there in some small way, but as you rebuild your life, you’ll find new sources of joy and fulfillment. You might even look back one day and realize that the person you’ve become—wiser, more resilient, and more self-assured—was shaped by this grief.

So, what’s the final takeaway? You are allowed to grieve for the living. Whether it’s an ex-spouse or a child who no longer communicates, your emotions are valid. Grief doesn’t only happen when someone dies—it happens when a piece of your life, your relationship, or your future disappears. But here’s the secret: it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to hurt, and it’s absolutely okay to heal.

So, let’s take a deep breath together. Grief is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define your life. You’ve got this.

Look after yourself and live with intention!