In life, we’re taught to chase goals. Get the promotion. Save for a big house. Lose weight. Goals are often what drive us. But if you’ve hit your 50s and feel like you’re constantly chasing the next thing, you’re not alone. There’s a reason it feels like running on a treadmill – you’re working hard, but are you actually going anywhere that matters to you?
I’m a functional medicine specialist in my 50s, and I’ve spent years helping people improve their health, both physically and mentally. Lately, I’ve seen more and more men around my age who feel completely overwhelmed. They’re burned out. They’ve done everything “right,” achieved what they set out to do, yet something’s missing. Today, I want to share a new way of looking at your life, one that might help you feel more fulfilled and less pressured. It’s called “soul setting,” and it’s a way to live with purpose without the pressure of constant goals.
What Is Goal Setting?
Let’s start by understanding what goal setting is. You probably know this already because we’re taught from a young age to set goals. But goal setting is about aiming for specific results or outcomes. Lose ten pounds. Earn a six-figure salary. Travel to ten countries. These are goals – they’re clear, measurable, and, once you reach them, you can check them off a list.
But here’s the thing: Goals focus on external outcomes. They’re about things outside of you. The problem is that, often, when we reach one goal, we immediately look for the next. It can make us feel like we’re always climbing a ladder but never quite reaching the top.
The Pressure of Goals
If you’re a 50-year-old man who feels overwhelmed, part of it may be the constant pressure of these goals. Maybe you’ve spent years working toward goals that, once achieved, didn’t actually bring the satisfaction you thought they would. Or maybe you’ve felt guilt or disappointment when you couldn’t reach a goal.
Goals often come with artificial deadlines too. Maybe it’s “I need to retire by 60” or “I should be in perfect shape by summer.” These timelines, although helpful for motivation, can end up making us feel like we’re on a strict schedule. Life isn’t meant to be so rigid, and in the pursuit of these goals, we sometimes miss the richness of the journey.
What Is Soul Setting?
This is where soul setting comes in. Soul setting isn’t about external achievements. It’s about looking inside yourself and asking what truly matters to you. It’s about purpose, values, and intention.
Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?” soul setting asks, “Who do I want to become?” When you think of it this way, it’s less about getting things done and more about becoming someone you respect, someone you’re proud of, and someone who’s at peace.
With soul setting, you aren’t racing against deadlines. You’re not on a treadmill. You’re on a journey, moving in a direction that feels true to you. It’s about making choices each day that align with your values rather than checking boxes off a list.
Why Soul Setting May Be Right for You
If you feel lost, stressed, or like life is passing you by, soul setting might be the perspective shift you need. It’s a slower, more thoughtful way to live that doesn’t depend on any specific outcomes. And when you focus on soul setting, you start to see that the small things you do daily – how you treat others, how you treat yourself, how you spend your time – matter far more than any single goal.
How to Start Soul Setting
Now that you know what soul setting is, let’s talk about how to actually do it.
1. Identify Your Core Values
Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. Not what society says you should care about, but what you care about. Is it kindness? Compassion? Integrity? Health? Family?
Write down your top five values. When you do this, be honest with yourself. If you find this exercise hard, that’s okay. It’s not something we often think about, but it’s essential to understanding what guides you at your core.
2. Define Your Purpose
Purpose isn’t about a job title, and it’s not a goal to check off. Your purpose is simply what makes you feel fulfilled, connected, and whole. For some, it’s helping others. For others, it’s creating something meaningful, learning, or teaching.
If you feel lost, try thinking about times in your life when you felt the most “alive” or at peace. What were you doing? Who were you with? Your purpose is often hiding in those moments.
3. Live Intentionally
With soul setting, you’re not chasing. Instead, you’re guiding your actions each day to match your values and purpose. Take a few minutes in the morning to set an intention. This doesn’t have to be anything big or specific. It might be as simple as “Today, I will approach challenges with patience” or “Today, I will be present with my family.”
These intentions might sound small, but over time, they add up. They shape who you are and the legacy you leave behind.
4. Let Go of External Validation
One of the biggest challenges with soul setting is letting go of other people’s expectations. In our 50s, we can feel trapped by what others expect us to be – the successful provider, the wise leader, the dependable friend. But when you start soul setting, you’re allowed to step away from what others think you should be and focus on who you want to be.
This doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities or abandoning your loved ones. Instead, it’s about living authentically. When you make choices based on your values, you’ll start to feel a deep sense of peace, regardless of how others judge you.
5. Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination
Soul setting encourages you to embrace the journey, not just the destination. Rather than fixating on a single outcome, start focusing on the moments that fill each day. The moments of kindness, the small acts of courage, the laughs you share with loved ones. These are the real treasures in life, and they matter more than any checklist or goal.
When you focus on the journey, you also relieve yourself of the need to “have it all figured out.” Life doesn’t come with a blueprint, and that’s okay. It’s okay to take things one day at a time, to adjust, and to learn along the way.
The Benefits of Soul Setting
When you start living with a soul-centered approach, you may notice big changes in how you feel. Here are some benefits that can come from this shift:
- Less Stress: Since you’re no longer chasing external outcomes, you may find that you feel less stressed. You’re not living by someone else’s timeline – you’re going at your own pace.
- Greater Fulfillment: Instead of checking off boxes, you’ll start to feel a sense of fulfillment from within. Each day becomes an opportunity to live with purpose, rather than just a step toward a goal.
- More Connection: When you’re living authentically, people notice. You may find that your relationships become richer and more meaningful because you’re connecting with others on a deeper level.
- More Self-Respect: Soul setting isn’t about perfection. It’s about aligning your actions with your values. Each day, you’ll build a little more respect for yourself as you live in a way that feels true.
Living with Purpose, Not Pressure
At 50, it can feel like life has to be figured out, like there’s a rush to achieve everything before it’s “too late.” But there’s freedom in letting go of the idea that life has to be a race. Soul setting allows you to live with purpose without the pressure.
Remember, you’re allowed to be a work in progress. You’re allowed to redefine what success means to you. You’re allowed to say “no” to goals that don’t align with who you are. And you’re allowed to create a life that feels meaningful to you.
So, as you think about what’s next, consider stepping off the goal-setting treadmill. Embrace soul setting and live with purpose. Because when it’s all said and done, it’s the journey, the moments, and the choices that truly define us – not the checkmarks on a list.
In the end, soul setting isn’t about abandoning goals altogether; it’s about balancing the chase for achievements with a focus on who you are becoming. So, take a breath, slow down, and remember that life is about more than just reaching milestones – it’s about making each step count.
